Pick Up Lines
by Nickirem.Tetsuya.Zoldyck
Summary: The GoM are trying to make Kuroko laugh, Akashi walks upon the scene and joins in. Who knew that Akashi Seijuro's pick-up lines were so… original? Akakuro goodness! Crack! Not for the young and innocent


**Rem: ****Heyo minna-san~ Yush, it's da smexy Remmy again! Apologies for not updating anything, but I started high school and trust me, being a selective is hard… TAT Anyways, I've been working on a new story, called "This Love, This Hate" on fictionpress. Please go check it out! And guess what, I'm turning thirteen in two days! XD Loving you all for your love and support!**

**Summary:**_** The GoM are trying to make Kuroko laugh, Akashi walks upon the scene and joins in. Who knew that Akashi Seijuro's pick-up lines were so… original? Akakuro goodness! Crack Not for the young and innocent**_

**Warning:**** BoyxBoy slash! Cheesy, pervy pick-up lines! Crack!**

* * *

"Ne ne! Aominecchi!" Came the way-too-loud whine of one Kise Ryouta. "Have you ever heard Kurokocchi laugh?"

Aomine looked up from his playboy magazine. "Ha?" He replied, "Never."

Kise brightened up. His face said everything for him. Aomine blinked at the model before nodding in approval, the idiot had some brains after all. "You're on." He said, tossing his book aside.

Kise smirked, patting himself on the back for his little victory.

Oh, if only they knew.

* * *

"Kurokocchi!" Said teen looked up from the novel he was reading only to be greeted with the unpleasant sight of Kise, waving enthusiastically at him. Kuroko sighed, massaging his temples, bracing himself for the oncoming storm.

"Yes, Kise-kun?" He asked, blank gaze boring into the other's head. Kise mentally died a few times over.

"Do you want to know why Aominecchi is an idiot?" Kise rambled, "Because he is Ahominecchi!" the blonde cracked up at the end, only to receive a punch in the head. Whining, he dropped to the ground, cradling his skull from the hit.

"What the hell!" Aomine shouted at the blow to his pride, "I'm not that dumb!" And pigs can fly, Aomine. Real smooth.

Kuroko only raised one powered blue eyebrow. What was this about? Anyhow, Kise got punched and Aomine got called what he was, so it couldn't be that bad, can it? He decided to keep watching the scene in front of him amusedly.

"Ara? Why is Mine-chin raping Ki-chin?" A shadow fell over the two bickering pair, crumbs falling non-stop.

Aomine cursed. "Get you damn chips away from me, Murasakibara! I'm not raping that dumb idiot! For god's sake why does everyone get it wrong!" And you're totally not blushing, Aho.

"Fuuuuuuuaaaaaaaaah!"

Kuroko sighed, what had he done to deserve this? Rubbing his head, he made a move to stand only to be stopped by a plush toy landing on his head. Kuroko let out a string of curses that could make the authoress blush and Aomine Daiki promptly passed out. Rest in peace, DaiDai.

"What is this fuss about?" Midorima entered the scene of crime, dressed in a…?!

"Midorimacchi! Why are you cosplaying Miku Hatsune©?!"

The green-head only glared. Why was it that no-one understood Oha-asa's guidance?

"We're trying to make Kurokocchi laugh!" Kise supplied helpfully, poking the passed-out body of Aomine with a stick. If you look carefully, you might just see the small budge in the ace's pants. Someone is a macho…

Midorima blinked, he sees it now. He must be the first to make Kuroko laugh! "Want to hear a song, Kuroko?" He asked, not waiting for a reply as he burst into the Nyan Cat© song. Kuroko could swear that there was a rainbow coming out from the tsundere's short skirt.

Oh, Akashi save him.

Akashi, it's your cue, stop this mess.

Said red-head stepped into the scene, sparkles shining in the background. If he had a cape, it would be bellowing proudly behind him.

"You're not doing this right, you peasants!" He roared. Wait, what?! No! Don't make this worse Sei-chan! I'm begging you!

Taking the almost forgotten Kuroko's hand, Akashi brought it to his lips. "Is that a pen in your pants, or are you happy to see me?" He smirked, batting his eyelashes.

You know what, screw this. I'm going to read my porn in my emo corner. Don't disturb me.

"Good," Akashi said, "We don't need you anyway."

People, you are invited to Sei-chan's funeral. Bring cake.

"A-AKASHI-KUN?!" Kuroko squeaked, almost jumping out of his skin. "Wh-what?!"

Akashi ignored Kuroko's dying-cat-call, "If you were home work, I'd do you on the table."

Aomine stirred.

Kuroko was turning fifty shades of red.

"You're just like my little toe, because I'm going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my home."

Aomine opened his eyes, only to be struck by the words uttered from the mouth of the devil. Yup, Aomine, welcome to heaven. The soul of the poor guys slowly rose towards to sky, tears streaming down its face. Don't worry, DaiDai, you died a heroic death.

Heedless to the others, Akashi focused his attention on the blushing Kuroko before him. Something in his pants twitched.

"Do you run track? Cause I heard you Relay want this dick." Yes, there was definitely something hard in Akashi's pants. Poor Kuroko was near the stage of joining Aomine in heaven now. Kise was long gone and Midorima was covering innocent little Murasakibara's ears. If only he knew of what he did after school with one Himuro.

"A-A-A-Akashi-kun! This is not funny!" Kuroko stuttered, his eyes becoming swirlies.

Akashi ignored him once again. "I'm an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus."

"Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants."

"Let's have a party and invite your pants to come on down."

"Hey baby, let's play house, you can be the door and I'll slam you all night long!"

"Since we've been told to reduce waste, let's use these condoms in my pocket before they expire!"

Kuroko seemed to snap out of his trance, and slowly, oh so very slowly, a smirk made its way onto his face. "Condoms are overrated, sexy." He rubbed himself on a very shocked Akashi's body, grabbed his hand and dragged him into a room where a few seconds later came very, very loud screams.

Oh, yes. Very loud screams.

* * *

**Well, that's the end of this one-shot! Hope you enjoyed it! Please drop in a review! 3**


End file.
